just thinking

...just thinking that it's been a bit since i've last updated my blog. i've been meaning to this past week...but my mind and heart is full and so when i start to think i'm just a bit overwhelmed and wonder how i can really put it all on paper; especially so that's it's short and not a whole book! but right now i'm just down loading some pictures of laszlo to send to my dad for his birthday tomorrow. we made and mailed a card to him last week, running almost the whole way to the post office to make sure we got there before it closed! laszlo was so excited and just kept saying - 'run courtney! faster! we need to get to get to the posta! fast!' i also need to burn a few more pictures onto a cd for my dear friend and her family that are leaving in just a few days. so then thinking of her, i feel sadness in my heart as i think of saying goodbye - again. i know life is full of comings and goings, but the thought of saying goodbye is not a pleasant thought. i've said goodbye alot these past few years that i've been over here in romania. mostly to family, but also to friends. i hate goodbyes. i used to think they'd get a bit easier, but they don't, ever! but, in spite of all that, i'm also so excited for this lovely family and the next part of their lives that are about to begin! and then thinking (once again) of them, i think of the journey they've been on and the one i'm one and the one we will be on till the end. i think of the amazing lessons we've all been taught, especially these past few years in romania. there has been lovely and wonderful times shared with each other as friends and fellow workers. there has been many children that we have fallen in love with and cared for and watched grow up and some that have left to families. but we have also seen and felt pain and hurt. when you feel and let your heart love, that is what happens. but the lord has provided and brought comfort and help and love and precious babies in the midst of all that. he has created strong friendships and allowed us to be apart of each others lives on a daily basis. we have seen him work and i, at least for me, can say that it's wonderful to be apart as well as watch closely as the lord moves and works. tonight i feel overwhelmed as i think about all the lord has done for us and our friends and our kids! my heart is just in awe of him. he is good. he is blessing. he is my portion. he is my provider - the faithful one and the one i can trust. he is the greatest teacher, using his word and his people he created to be apart of that. life! so then, i guess i can say my life is full, my heart is overfull and my thoughts are as well. he knows me well and so i come as i am before him in thanks and also to lay my heart before him. i can't bare all this on my own. i don't think i'm meant to. i wonder, can i make it though the next few days as goodbyes happen again? and i'm thinking, how does sadness and joy mix? and hope? cause i feel both right now. and can i make it through the holidays with out family from home? i have before but can i this year? and what about all that is to be with sweet laszlo? i want to say i don't think so; but i know that's not true...because i have before and i know that he is faithful! maybe the title of this entry should be 'thoughts and feelings'. these are my thoughts, at this moment; tonight.